Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
