does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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