Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
