She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
