I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
