My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
