dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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