is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
