I want to stick my p in your. b.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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