I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
