you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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