who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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