In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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