how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I need to sanitize my soul.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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