Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
