I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
babies were throwing up all over the place
My balls are so social today.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
