Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How does one acquire holy water?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
