I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
