I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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