I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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