how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
