the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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