I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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