i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
