I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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