And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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