im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
