better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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