dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
