i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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