Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
