like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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