So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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