Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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