he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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