dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
