I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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