She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
