i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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