Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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