he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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