For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
