you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
