it wasn't lemon gatorade
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i've created a new STD.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
