kristin has been a bad kristin
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize