if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
