Banned from zoo.
Again?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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