i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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