Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
