i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
