its not stalking. its research.
we made out on top of his cat.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
