My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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