You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
