Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
