Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
