I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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