cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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