Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
