i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
