I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize