my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
