I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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