i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
pop tarts are not kleenex
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
