so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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