He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
