im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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