I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
