i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
