my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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