I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
