I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize