i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
