Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
