Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
