i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize