Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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