dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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