How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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