If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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