yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
