I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
