Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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