Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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