hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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