So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
