I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
